Praying For Our Servicemen

I get about fifteen billion right-wing mass emails a day telling me to "pray for our servicemen," but I never get any prayer along with them to recite. I am starting to think it COULD BE that there actually IS no "prayer for our servicemen" that has ever been composed. This might explain why I keep getting these requests, cause the prayer just ain't bein' sent skyward. Well, my Conservative Boneheads, I guess it's up to me to provide you with your prayer. Then maybe once the prayer starts going to God I can be let out of the loop and the fucking emails will stop. So here is a Prayer For Our Servicemen. OH MOST POWERFUL GOD OF ISRAEL WHO US CHRISTIANS HAVE ADOPTED BECAUSE THE JEWS KILLED YOU BUT YOU TOTALLY FUCKED WITH THEIR HEADS BY RISING AGAIN; WE ASK YOU TO GUIDE THE BULLETS OF THE AMERICAN SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN WHEN THEY AIM THEIR WEAPONS AT THE MUSLIMS WHO HAVE TAKEN YOUR BIBLE AND REWRITTEN IT, LIKE A THIRD GRADER MIGHT REWRITE SHAKESPEARE, AND TURNED IT INTO A FUCKING MESS OF DISJOINTED EDICTS ABOUT WHAT AN UNKNOWABLE PRICK YOU ARE, AND HAVE DECLARED JESUS JUST ANOTHER SANDNIGGER, AND WHO HAVE DECLARED CHRISTIANS, THE PEOPLE WHO PICKED UP THE BATON THAT THE JEWS DROPPED, TO BE BLASPHEMERS DESERVING OF DEATH, AND SEND THESE BULLETS OF OUR SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN INTO THE HEADS, HEARTS, LUNGS, ASSES, AND GONADS OF THE MUSLIMS IN THEIR CROSSHAIRS. TURN THEIR ANXIOUS AND FEARFUL AMERICAN HEARTS INTO CRAZED AND INTENSE MACHINES OF UNERRING SLAUGHTER AND RELENTLESS ANNIHILATION AGAINST THE ISLAMIC SANDNIGGER FOE. MAKE THEIR DREAMS AT NIGHT DREAMS OF DEATH, DEALT WITH RELENTLESS PERFECTION AND ENTHUSIASM
AGAINST THE STINKY, ALLAH-DOUCHING OPPONENT. THIS ALLAH FUCKER IS NOT YOU, AND FRANKLY I'M A LITTLE SURPRISED THAT YOU PUT UP WITH THIS FUCKING INTERLOPER STEALING YOUR THUNDER. I KNOW THAT YOU COULD HANDLE THE ENTIRE MUSLIM ONE-BILLION-STRONG FOE PERSONALLY, BUT I NOTICE THAT YOU ARE TAKING A SIESTA ON THE MATTER. BUT BEFORE YOU NOD-OFF COMPLETELY, PLEASE NOTICE THAT A HELL OF A LOT OF AMERICANS ARE TRYING TO GET THE JOB DONE IN YOUR PLACE. I PRAY THAT YOU WILL AT LEAST MAKE AN EFFORT TO MAKE THEIR JOBS A LITTLE EASIER BY, IF NOT JOINING IN THE BATTLE YOURSELF, INSTILLING IN OUR SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN A LUST FOR MUSLIM DEATH AND A
TALENT AND ENTHUSIASM FOR BLASTING THEIR ISLAMIC SMELLY BODIES INTO HIGH SPEED, OUTWARDLY FLYING RED SPRAY.
IGNITE IN THEIR SPINAL COLUMNS THE THRILL OF THE HUMAN HUNT SO THAT THEY EAT AND DRINK AND SLEEP AN ENDLESS RELENTLESS
URGE TO FIND AND THEN KILL THEIR KORAN-HUMPING PREY. HONE THEIR EYE AND STEADY THEIR TRIGGER FINGERS AND FILL THEIR HEARTS WITH THE THRILL AND SATISFACTION OF THE SUCCESSFUL PULVERIZATION OF THE ENEMY: THE ENEMY OF THEMSELVES, THE ENEMY OF ME, THE ENEMY OF YOU, AND THE ENEMY OF PROBABLY EVEN THE TELETUBBIES: THAT ENEMY BEING ISLAM, ALLAH, MOHAMMED, MUSLIMS, THE KORAN, AND THE SANDNIGGERS' REALLY SHITTY HEADGEAR, BODY ODOR,
STUPIDITY, AND WORTHLESSNESS AS ANYTHING OTHER THAN TARGETS. AMEN.