Luxor Comments

The Luxor's a fucking mess. I don't review much here except Obama. He's the reason this pile of shit blog exists at all. But Las Vegas is at the other end of the scale. Obama being the worst thing in America and Las Vegas of course being the best.The Luxor started out with weirdness aplenty. A fantastic structure on the outside with a mess on the inside. It's one great feature was 4 very large statues of near naked warrrior women outside the Ra - a club that used to be inside. They got rid of the club. Not a bad idea. They also got rid of the statues: an extremely bad idea. They were the main draw of the place. The Luxor is hollow excepf for the perimeter. The rooms are along the sides. All the way up. About 30 floors. Above the ground floor is a second area one floor up that covers the interior space. On top of that is nothing. At least above the weird forms and structures that defy analysis. One section is empty wooden and cardboard "buildings" that appear to be greek apartments, oh, and the Chrysler Building. Oh, and a small Mexican Aztec pyramid made of plywood. There are also some crap shops and some crap food places, and one restaurant that has no roof or sides. Just a barrier with chairs and tables and i guess a kitchen in there somewhere. This is called Tacos & Tequila. They have lit-up posters for it all over the place showing two hot chicks in leather hot pants and leather tops. You are supposed to assume these are what the waitresses look like and wear. This is not what the waitresses look like and wear. The waitresses look like the same women that clean the rooms and wear non descript raggy duds. This second level is dark. The food selections are vile. It's like a Mexican strip mall in a slum. There's room for 20 people to eat there. But nobody ever does. Carrot Top is the main attraction at the Luxor, the dopiest comedian in history. He makes Doodles Weaver look like Mark Twain. He makes Ed Wynn look like Jonathan Winters. He makes Red Buttons look like Victor Borge. His face is repellant. It looks like it has steel girders in it. He uses wacky props like Rod Taylor. He's always showing his steroid-like deltoids. His lips look like inner tubes. His skin looks like plastic. Two other shows are some Titanic artifacts - maybe: and some skinned dead human bodies that you are supposed to want to see. Two exhibits of doom and death. This is Las Vegas, remember. You come here to cheer yourself up. The carcass show is called "Bodies." It's right next to "Titanic" so that you see Titanic Bodies almost as one phrase. I thought it would be hot amazon-like strippers. It's not. It's stuff hauled up from a ship of death and some raw carcasses. Jesus Christ. There is no end to the misery. The cocktail waitesses that bring drinks to the casino players are ghastly monsters. Their outfits fortunately show no skin. Half the venues inside are closed for repairs. The repairs never seem to get done. The food there is systematically reviewed as bad, especially the buffet which is considered the worst in town. Casino smoke over the years has penetrated every room above. The best air is actually on the casino floor. You're below the smoke. The rugs in the hallways of the rooms are all bunched and full of rills and folds where the tackers didn't quite have their jobs learned when they were pulled off the lettuce truck and handed hammers and cutters. Looking down from the hallways onto the bizarre structures that have no purpose all you see is years and years of accumulated dust. Room service items and trays and broken appliances that are left outside the doors are stilll there days later. The elevators clatter like buckboards. One in particular vibrates so much that your life passes before you before it gets to your floor. The casino looks a thousand years old. I never heard one jackpot alarm in the three days I was lost within it trying to get out. I never heard any excitement at any table. Just dull listless zombies who had come here to die in the company of the flayed corpses upstairs and the Titanic ghosts next to them that were hauled in there from 30,000 feet beneath the North Sea. HAHA I just Googled Carrot Top to see if there was a clip from his act to prove to myself that i didnt overstate his comedy incompetence and there's a video called "A Letter To Carrot Top" by Henry Rollins. HAHAHAHA
It's right here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqybDdU4qVk